Managing Conflicting Instructions: A VA’s Stakeholder Priority Playbook

A client asks you to send a proposal before lunch. Their operations manager says the proposal needs a new pricing section first. Then the founder messages to say that nothing should go out until they have reviewed it personally.

All three instructions may be reasonable. All three people may expect you to act quickly. The problem is that following one direction can mean ignoring another.

This is one of the most difficult parts of virtual assistance because it is not really a time-management problem. It is an ownership problem. A VA should not quietly decide whose instruction matters most when the people involved have not made that clear.

A calm system prevents a simple conflict from becoming a missed deadline, an unhappy stakeholder or a decision nobody can later explain.

Recognise a Real Conflict Early

Not every difference in instruction is a conflict. One person may give the main task while another provides useful detail. A client may also update their preference after thinking something through.

A conflict exists when two legitimate instructions cannot both be followed. This could mean competing deadlines, different versions of the same document, disagreement about who should approve something or two people asking you to contact the same customer in different ways.

The mistake is trying to solve the disagreement silently. A VA may be tempted to choose the instruction that arrived most recently, came from the most senior-sounding person or feels easiest to complete. However, none of those choices necessarily reflects the agreed authority for the work.

Instead, pause briefly and identify what is actually different. Is the conflict about the task itself, the deadline, the message, the budget, the approval or the person who should make the final call? Once you can describe the issue clearly, it becomes much easier to ask for a decision.

Agree on Decision Owners Before the Work Gets Busy

The strongest solution is to clarify authority before a conflict happens. When starting with a new client or team, ask who has the final say on priorities, deadlines, customer communication and changes to scope.

This does not need to become a complex organisation chart. A short written note can be enough. For example, a founder may approve external messaging, an operations manager may set deadlines and a project manager may assign day-to-day work.

It also helps to know who can make a final choice if two deadlines collide. Without that answer, the VA is put in the uncomfortable position of trying to satisfy everyone, which usually means making promises that cannot realistically be kept.

If the client has several stakeholders, keep the roles visible in the shared task system or handover document. A new instruction should not automatically override an earlier plan simply because it arrived in a chat message.

Pause the Task Without Letting It Disappear

A paused task should still feel active. The aim is not to leave work unfinished and wait for someone to notice. The aim is to make the blocker visible, preserve the relevant instructions and give the right person a simple decision to make.

Record the task, the conflicting directions, the people involved and the deadline. Then mark the task as waiting for confirmation. This is particularly important when the conflict appears in email, voice notes, chat messages and project-management tools at the same time.

A useful update does not need to sound defensive. It can be as simple as:

“Before I send the proposal, I need to confirm the final instruction. I have been asked to send it before lunch, add the revised pricing section and hold it for founder approval. Could you confirm whether the priority is to finalise the pricing first or wait for approval before any version is sent?”

This message does three useful things. It states the facts, shows that you are protecting the work and gives the decision-maker clear options. It is much easier to answer than a vague question such as, “What would you like me to do?”

Keep Important Clarifications in Writing

Once someone gives the decision, record it where the work is being managed. A quick chat message can settle the immediate problem, but it can be difficult to find later when the same issue returns.

A simple note in the task, such as “Confirmed by [name] on [date]: revised pricing first, then founder approval before sending,” is usually enough. It protects the VA from being blamed for following the wrong version and helps the team avoid repeating the same discussion.

This is especially valuable for recurring work. A stakeholder may clarify once that customer refunds always need finance approval, or that a project deadline can be moved only by the account manager. Those decisions should become part of the process, not remain buried in an old conversation.

When the clarification changes the usual way of working, update the relevant checklist or procedure. That turns one moment of confusion into a better system for everyone.

Know When a Conflict Is More Than a Priority Question

Some conflicting instructions involve more than deadlines. If a request affects money, legal terms, customer data, access permissions, public communication or a sensitive client commitment, do not treat it as ordinary task management.

For example, one person may ask you to update a customer’s bank details while another says there has been no approved change. Or a manager may ask you to send a contract version that the client has not accepted. In those cases, the task should stay paused until the correct authority confirms what should happen.

This is where professional boundaries matter. Please Do Not Ask Your Assistant to Do This: The Line Between Support and Serious Trouble explains why informal instructions should not be treated as permission to make financial, legal or access-related decisions.

A careful VA does not create friction by asking for confirmation. They prevent a small misunderstanding from becoming an expensive one.

Final Thoughts

Conflicting instructions are normal in busy businesses. The answer is not to guess, take sides or promise impossible deadlines.

Identify the real conflict, make the task visibly waiting, ask the authorised person a clear question and record the decision. This gives clients confidence that their VA is not simply moving work quickly, but moving it safely and with good judgment.

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